The Bush and Dick Show
One thing I think everyone can agree on is the fact that this past decade has had more than its fair share of dicks. While almost everyone can agree on the dickishness of certain slimy characters out there, certain others inexplicably have their passionate defenders.
To my mind, however, over the past ten years quintessential dickishness has been defined by a select few.
So here it is, my list of the Biggest Dicks of The Decade:
- "There's no doubt in my mind, not one doubt in my mind, that we will fail." - Oct. 4, 2001. George W. Bush, in Washington, D.C., remarking on a back-to-work plan after 9-11, though, of course, he just as easily could have been talking about his entire presidency.
The New French
You know how John McCain said he might not talk to the Spanish government if he's elected president? How, in an interview last month, he lumped Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Zapatero in with anti-American leaders such as Venezuela's Hugo Chavez and the Castro Brothers of Cuba?
Well, what I want to know is, does that make the Spanish the new French? And, if so, does that mean that this year all truly patriotic (i.e. idiotic) Americans will have to start calling their favorite aphrodisiac Freedom Fly, a la those Freedom Fries of French-hating days gone by? And, what I really want to know is this, will Freedom Fly still get you as horny as its American-hating cousin, Spanish Fly?
Driving, according to the Bush Administration, is the newest war crime. Yes, war crime.
Obviously, things have been quite farcical in the Land of Bush and Dick (Cheney) for years now, but it would seem that, as of the past week, they've actually reached a whole new level of lunacy.
At a monkey trial down there in Guantanamo Bay, at the infamous Land Of Freedom Gulag, some guy named Salim Hamdan was just found guilty of war crimes for driving Osama bin Laden around from 1997 to 2001. I'm not making this up.
A Legacy For The Ages As Bush Wraps Up Title Of "Worst President Ever" In New Poll Of American Historians
Talk about a legacy! Talk about a performance! Talk about a Presidency! After years and years of hard work, dedication to his own vision, passionate defense of his own personal war, brilliant fear-mongering initiatives and, let's not forget, brave indifference, if not outright disdain, for domestic and worldwide public opinion, George W. Bush has finally done it. He's incontrovertibly clinched the title. He's made his own distinguished mark on History. Yes, people, as you may have already heard, the man now has an insurmountable lead in the race for the title of Worst President Ever and from this day forward no one can deny him his rightful place in History. Buchanan, Andrew Johnson, Fillmore, Pierce, Harding, Hoover and Nixon all put up a damn good fight, but in the end none of them could compete with the complete disaster, horrific train wreck and inane, inept, ideocracy/idiotcracy that is the Bush Presidency. But, hey, don't take my word for it, take the word of the 109 American historians who were recently surveyed on the topic by the History News Network.
You've all heard of The Axis Of Evil, of course, but what about The Axis of Medieval? Because, man, has it ever been a great week for them! In fact, it's been an amazing week for all admirers of the Dark Ages and all fans of Medieval systems, techniques and mindsets. First there was the report out of Saudi Arabia the other day about the Saudi Arabian "witch" being sentenced to death for, uh, "casting spells" on some guy, then there was this buffoon in the White House threatening to veto a Senate bill outlawing torture, and, finally, there was the start of the show trials for some of the most prominent tortured inmates at the Guantanamo Bay gulag. Truly a great week for Medieval lovers everywhere.
The American gulag in Guantanamo Bay has one - just one - remaining Western captive still being held by the U.S. government. His name is Omar Khadr. And he's Canadian. Every other Western government did all it could and eventually won the release of every single one of its citizens held in that Kafkaesque joke of a camp. But not our government. No, the Canadian government has abandoned this guy. And the worst thing is he was already abandoned back when he was just a 15 year old kid. That's how old he was when the American's locked him up and started their mental and physical torture regiment on him. Torturing kids? Yup, that's how fucked up the American government has become. Abandoning Canadian kids in foreign gulags? You bet, that's exactly how fucked up the Canadian government has become.
Who are these people? Seriously, who are they? How can poll after poll tell us that between 32 and 38% of Americans are happy with Bush's performance as president? How is it possible for anyone to be so far gone that they somehow still think that Bush, Sidekick Dick and all the other buffoons in the White House are actually doing a great job?
Last night I was up till 3:30 AM watching the coverage of the American mid-term elections and there's no way to deny the joy I felt in seeing the Democrats, for all their failings, taking back control of both the House and the Senate. And then this morning I awoke to the glorious sight of a humbled Bush giving Donald Rumsfeld, one of the most despised men on earth, the boot. Yes, undeniably good news, but, still, I couldn't help but feel a bit depressed.
We all know who is ultimately responsible for the total and utter catastrophe that Iraq has become since being unjustly and illegally invaded and occupied three and a half years ago; I mean, the whole world knows who is ultimately guilty for the horrendous ongoing carnage and wholesale destruction in and of that country; but let's talk for a moment about some other immoral bastards. Specifically, what's with these psychopaths in Iraq torturing and murdering hundreds of innocent people a month for no other reason than they happen to belong to the other side of the sectarian divide (Shia or Sunni). Not only are these death squads slaughtering completely innocent civilians on a daily basis, but, before senselessly killing them, they're actually torturing these people for absolutely no other reason than hatred. Torture, not for information or any other purpose, just for psychotic pleasure, it would seem.