The Black Hole of Arrogance Rant 'n' Rave (Conrad Black Convicted)
It's a great day. The Black Hole of Arrogance, also known as Conrad Black or, as his pompous self would most definitely prefer, Lord Black, is going away to jail.
As we all know, you kill a couple of people, you spend decades in jail, if not the rest of your life, but if you kill hundreds or even thousands you almost never serve a day behind bars. Likewise, you shoplift a few times or steal a few cars and you're off to prison for a number of years, but if you steal a few million dollars you usually go free or perhaps receive a few months of house arrest to be spent in your seaside mansion.
But not this time. He can snarl, sneer, scowl, curse, jeer and growl all the way there, but Big Black Hole of Uppity Superiority is most definitely going to spend some serious time in prison. They say possibly between 10 and 20 years.
Yes, he's been convicted of mail fraud and, more seriously, obstruction of justice and he's going away. Sentencing isn't until November 30th, but most predictions are that he'll get at least 10 years. All the Lord's riches and all the Lord's top lawyers couldn't put his reputation back together again. And even though, like O.J., he was so clearly guilty, they somehow couldn't get him off.
It almost seems unreal. You get so used to the idea that prisons are just for the poor and that the rich and powerful don't have to do any real time, no matter their crime. You even hear some commentators feeling sorry for poor Conrad and going on about how the American prosecutors have been so harsh. It seems stealing a few million bucks just isn't a very big deal to some. Why, they wonder, won't those awful prosecutors leave poor Lord Darkness alone?
The greatest thing, at least for those of us who appreciate irony and who think stealing millions of dollars is something that deserves some real jail time, is that His Lordship will have to spend a lot more time in prison because, as all Canadians well remember, he gave up his Canadian citizenship a few years back in order to accept a seat in the British House Of Lords against the Canadian government's wishes. If he were still Canadian he would be able to serve his time in Canada, a system that's very rarely used between the United States and Britain. And in Canada he'd get out years earlier due to our much laxer parole system, but in the States he'll have to serve a full 85% of his sentence. So much better being a pompous Lord than a Canadian citizen, eh?, your Darkness.
And for anyone out there actually feeling sorry for Lord Black Hole, I say this to you, why don't you save your pity for the tens of thousands of poor Americans serving hard time for petty crimes? They may get almost no media attention, but that's where the real injustice often lies, not in billionaires stealing millions that they don't even need.
One last question: After a fall this far, this hard, this fast do you think Conrad's overbearing arrogance and inflated ego will help break his fall like some sort of giant parachute? Or will it all crumble and fall apart the minute he meets Billy Bob, his new cellmate? Just wondering.
Mike Cowie (Oredakedo)
Friday, July 13th, 2007
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