"Convict" Nelson Mandela Unwelcome In Canada? The Asinine Canadian Law Rant
In case you may have missed it, Canada, as the policy now stands, would turn back at the border Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Rosa Parks, everyone ever jailed in the gulags of Stalin or Kim Jong Mentally-il, and anyone else who has ever stood up to unjust laws and regimes. It seems we just don't want their kind around here. Way to go Canada, way to make me proud to be Canadian.
Luckily, along with all good murderers, rapists, arsonists, letter bombers and convicted pedophiles, these heinous criminals can, if still living, always apply to the Canadian government for "criminal rehabilitation". There's no actual begging involved, as far as I understand it, there's just some paperwork and a fine.
"Sorry Mr. Mandela, I really loved your book 'Long Walk To Freedom' and I think you're a great guy and all, but, hey, those are the rules. Just go back to South Africa, fill out the paperwork, send it in with a money order for a thousand bucks and come back and try again after you've received your pardon from Ottawa."
But it's not quite as bad as it sounds. If, say, Aung San Suu Kyi were to want to visit Canada we'd actually let her in. The generals in Burma may have kept her locked up for most of the past 17 years, but, it seems, they've never actually convicted her of a crime, so, happily, that means she could visit Canada without paying any fine whatsoever. Unless, of course, in the meantime the generals change their minds and decide to charge her with something like "destabilizing the country and threatening national security" for winning those elections back in 1990. In that case, she'd have to pay her fine like everyone else. Fair is fair.
To read more about this insane issue and the article that prompted this rant, check out:
"Activists Test Canada Border Policy"
Oh, and by the way, you've heard of all those women filling up the Pakistani jails for the crime of being raped? Well, they too would be denied entry to our great country. Can't have their type hanging around here either. Not without paying a fine at least.
It should be noted, however, that we don't turn back all criminals at the border here. No, war criminals are generally quite welcome. Say you're responsible for wars and/or bombing campaigns that have caused the deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians, in other words say you're Rumsfeld or Bush or Blair or Kissinger, well, then you're welcome with open arms. No fines for you. That treatment's simply reserved for peace activists and worldwide hero types.
You rock Canada, truly, you rock!
Mike Cowie (Oredakedo)
Sunday, October 7th, 2007