The Axis of Medieval Rant: Bring On The Show Trials, Witches and Waterboarding

You've all heard of The Axis Of Evil, of course, but what about The Axis of Medieval? Because, man, has it ever been a great week for them! In fact, it's been an amazing week for all admirers of the Dark Ages and all fans of Medieval systems, techniques and mindsets. First there was the report out of Saudi Arabia the other day about the Saudi Arabian "witch" being sentenced to death for, uh, "casting spells" on some guy, then there was this buffoon in the White House threatening to veto a Senate bill outlawing torture, and, finally, there was the start of the show trials for some of the most prominent tortured inmates at the Guantanamo Bay gulag. Truly a great week for Medieval lovers everywhere.

Waterboarding For Freedom

Waterboarding, of course, is the form of torture that Bush wants to keep legal in the U.S. arsenal. And, therefore, he has to claim that it's, in fact, not torture at all. But just by claiming something isn't torture doesn't change the reality of it being exactly just that. When the Iranians, Saudis and others savagely whip people, or hook up their genitals to electrodes and then claim it's all quite harmless, we can choose to believe them or we can choose to use rational thought instead. Same thing when the White House tells us that their torture techniques are civilized and humane.

The fact of the matter is water boarding has been a form of torture at least since the Spanish Inquisition, and, hey, if anyone knew a good torture technique when they saw it it was the Roman Catholic Inquisitors of Spain. But, it wasn't just them, no, the Nazis used it too, as did the Khmer Rouge, amongst others. Not exactly regimes known for their adherence to humane interrogation techniques.

From what I understand, the person being waterboarded is actually being asphyxiated and believes they are going to die. In other words, its a mock execution. And this is what George W. Bush is so passionate about keeping "legal" in America. Way to go buddy! I mean, if you're not already The Worst President In American History, this should definitely do it for you when History finally judges you down the line.

What is indisputable right now, however, is that the American government considers waterboarding to be torture whenever it's used against Americans, but when used by Americans it is, we're supposed to believe, a necessary technique for eliciting information and protecting the Free World. "It's a vital tool in the fight to safeguard national security", Bush and Dick would like the world to understand. Funny enough, those are almost the exact same words used by China, Burma, North Korea and all other tyrannical regimes whenever they torture their victims. Though when they do it, of course, it's simply "barbaric and uncivilized" and not, as in America's case, all about letting freedom and liberty reign throughout the world.

As you may have heard, the American government actually had Japanese officers tried and executed for torturing (i.e. waterboarding) American POWs after WWII (if not read more here). Now they use the very same technique against those they hold captive and then try to have these waterboarding "confessions" accepted into monkey trials as "evidence". It's just plain silly, isn't it?

Bring On The Show Trials

As for the Guantanamo inmates who've just been charged and are now facing the death penalty, one of the main charges they face is "targeting civilians", which of course is a war crime. But doesn't it seem a bit ludicrous coming from a country that dropped nuclear bombs on the civilian populations of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, fire-bombed Dresden, Tokyo and many other civilian targets and then spent approximately 8 years dropping massive quantities of explosives on Vietnamese villages, killing millions of civilians in all?

Seriously, does hypocrisy come any more blatant and obvious than this? It'd be like the Nazis prosecuting "enemy combatant" POWs for anti-semitism. Or Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge bringing captured soldiers up on charges of genocide. Or Stalin charging some captured enemy with crimes against humanity. It's just flat-out ridiculous, if you ask me.

Burn The Witch!

And what about that so-called witch over there in that great American ally known as Saudi Arabia? This "witch", an illiterate woman who was beaten and forced to fingerprint a "confession" that she couldn't even read, is accused of - wait for it - making some guy impotent. And they're actually planning to execute her over this. I'm not joking. You can read all about it here in this BBC article: Pleas for condemned Saudi 'witch'

So, there you have it, a truly fantastic and exciting week for The Axis of Medieval and all their supporters and fans, a week which has brought the Saudi regime and the Bush regime even closer together than they already were, if that's even possible. When it comes to bridging the cultural divide and bringing people and regimes closer together, it really has been a great few days.

Of course all this also means it's been a very sad and depressing week for humanity. But, hey, we can't win 'em all now can we?

Mike Cowie (Oredakedo)
Sunday, February 17th, 2008

george W. buszzzzzzzzzz

do we never ever ever ever ever evvvvvvver get bored of nodding along to the same safe cliches? one would think we would tire of endless critisism of George W. Bush (dont forget to emphasize the nasal sneer of the 'W' to insniuate your proper affiliation). maybe Bush thought of waterboarding while he was a fratboy at Yale, giving nerds swirlies. lets mix it up a bit for fricks sake. William Burroughs said anyone who can even make it to the final rounds of big political events are such compromized double-talkers you wouldnt want them governing. america has become monarchial, with only two leading family's having power, for possilby 20 years. George W. Bush is an arsehole. Hillary D. Clinton is an arshole. talking about medieval torture, Bill and Hillary could be the Marquis and Marquessa de Sade with the partial birth abortion techniques they pushed in the mid-1990s. in case the idea of 'terminating the feotus' is too theoretical to be objectionable, hows about the practice of getting the kid to stick her head out of the mom and then sucking her brains out so you could still say 'she wasnt an autonomous person'. then if the kid was audacious enough to keep her heart beating, she was denied medical aid, because she was already slated for death. in a hospital? because they are socially inconvienient and politically expedient. we're the good germans. yes, the earth is round, and its evil (is that word still allowed?) we know, but lets not be too ready to point fingers around the world while the bloods still dripping from our own hands. DaveR


Our own hands? OUR own hands? So... are you saying you've HAD an abortion OR that you ARE a doctor who performs them? Really DaveR, or should I call you... RaveR, what the hell are you going on about? -----------------------------------------------------

Are you saying that water boarding should really be known as partial-death-enactment? That accusing someone of being a witch is really partial-soul-purging? What are you getting at? Really... trying to equate abortion to this issue is a stretch that only a real dyed-in-the-wool-single-white-guy-evangelical-pro-lifer would attempt. Let me guess... you don't wear condoms either right? Every sperm is sacred until it it grows up and opposes your point of view and then it's OK to brutally torture said grown sperm by any means possible UNTIL they cop a plea that you deem is suitable? ------------------------------------------------------

Give your head a shake. ------------------------------------------------------

As for seeing criticizing Bush (or anyone... say even yourself) on advocating the the use of torture as a safe "cliche", are your serious? Should we not even talk about it because it's, YAWN, sooooo beaten to death? You know, like pro-life advocates twisting any discussion into an abortion rant... like that RaveR??? Is that what you mean? ------------------------------------------------------

Yah... let's just NOT talk about it, lets just go about our happy little blissful lives and let world leaders do what they want. I mean, they're right... right? RaveR... I won't bother talking about the "cliche" of genocide, or the "cliche" of profiteering or warmongering or corruption or... well, hey... you know them all. I don't want to fill what little space you have left in your head with those old, tired "cliches". It's SOOOOO much to think about now isn't it?


RaveR... just close your eyes, put on your favorite Jerry Falwell audio sermon that you saved up for by not buying condoms (oh... sorry, is technology use too "cliche" for you?), and clean your NRA sanctioned automatic pistol. He'll tell you, again and again, that you don't have to face the tortuous realities of this world and that GWB is a great and just man. You're safe... those just men are keeping you safe and those bad men, those EVIL men (yes you can use that word, if you're George Bush or Jerry Falwell... they have a personal relationship with that word) they HATE freedom (not because of the price that their tortured people have paid for it or the decades of economic servitude to it that they've had to endure)... they just HATE it, unconditionally and without reason. -------------------------------------------------------

Sort of like your thoughts about Pro-life. Ain't the world just full of synergy? Oh... I didn't mean to disturb you... sit back, and listen to Jerry. KH