An Open Letter To America Concerning The Hate-Filled Homophobes of The Religious Right

"In no instance have . . . the churches been guardians of the liberties of the people."

      – James Madison


As all the Right-Wing Christian Conservative Blow-Hard (RWCCBH) homophobes down there in the States continue to blather on about how gay marriage is going to destroy traditional marriage, I just keep scratching my head, struggling with all my might to understand just what the $&#% they're talking about.

The fact is here in Canada same-sex marriage has been legal nationwide since 2005 and not one traditional marriage that I know of has ever been threatened or damaged in any way whatsoever. That's four years and millions of marriages without even one - not one - being threatened in the slightest.

And you better believe that if one ever was it'd be all over the news: "Yes, yes, that's right, Your Honor, we were happily married for 20 long years, but then this gay marriage bill passed and we saw gays getting hitched and it made our marriage seem so meaningless and empty. Obviously we had no other option but divorce."

Personally, I know many people who have gotten divorced in this country, both before and after the legalization of same-sex marriage, and not one of them has ever cited the threat of gay marriage as even a mitigating factor in their relationship's demise.

I know my own marriage is still going strong, despite this seemingly imminent threat.

I'm not really sure how other people getting married - whether they be straight, gay, bi or even interspecies - is supposed to threaten my marriage, but I'm guessing that, when it comes to the RWCCBH homophobes, it probably has something to do with a secret desire to be free of their present marital situations (a la Larry Craig and Ted Haggard).

Now I'm not saying that all Right-Wing Christian Conservative Blow-Hard homophobes are secretly gay, I'm just saying that I find it quite interesting that they are all so totally and utterly obsessed with preventing gay marriage from becoming a legal option and that they so passionately insist that the availability of gay marriage is going to somehow threaten their own current marriages.

And, by the way, I've got no problem with any, or all, of the RWCCBH homophobes being gay, if that's what they indeed are. Though I most certainly do have a problem with their hypocrisy.

Further Temptation

I sometimes wonder if the availability of interspecies marriage would tempt the RWCCBH homophobes as much as gay marriage seems to. Would the possibility of marrying, say, a sheep, cow or zebra cause as much distraction and temptation as same-sex marriage does? Would it threaten their current marriages in just the same way? How about if it were legal to marry one of your siblings, would such a possibility also cause them to consider fleeing their current spouse? I wonder.

Perhaps they should stop worrying about other people's love lives and life commitments and instead focus on their own for a while. Because, obviously, it doesn't matter if other people are marrying trees, cars, bananas, blow-up dolls or even Siberian huskies, the fact is nothing threatens a person's marriage but the reality of their own relationship with their spouse (though, sometimes, a really hot co-worker full of lust and desire can be a bit of a threat too, I guess).

Procreation vs. Love

As these RWCCBH homophobes clamor for reasons to deny gays the same rights they themselves enjoy they ridiculously point to procreation and state that marriage is primarily intended to make babies. Yeah, that's right, not surprisingly, the main reason for getting married, according to these lovers of all things pre-Enlightenment, is not in fact love, but, rather, to simply produce offspring.

Not wanting to get into the obvious psychological deficiencies and personality disorders that have so clearly inflicted anyone in the modern world who marries for procreation over love, let me just say that I can't really imagine these RWCCBH homophobes denying infertile individuals the right to marry. Nor can I imagine them disqualifying postmenopausal women from marriage either. So why the concern with baby-making abilities when it comes to gays? I mean, besides the obvious homophobia, hatred and small-mindedness, of course.

Fear and Loathing... and Bible Study

What's with these people anyway? I mean, they're scared of everything. If it's not God condemning them to hell for masturbating, it's "socialized" medicine turning their beloved homeland into North Korea, and/or it's "liberal educated elites" pushing evil, dangerous stuff down their children's throats. Stuff like science. Come on guys, you can't be terrified of everything, can you?

Me? The only thing that really scares me is them. That is, the only thing that really terrifies me is the possibility of these Right-Wing Christian Conservative Blow-Hard homophobes one day actually taking over America. It may seem unlikely now, but seeing that their numbers continue to grow almost as fast as their minds continue to close, it is, sadly, a distinct possibility.

And, if it ever were to happen, forget about same-sex marriage. How about life without science, government services or masturbation? And in its place nothing but a shitload of Bible study? Yeah, I'm talking about a take over by the American Taliban.

In which case I suspect that we here in Canada would feel a lot like the Dutch and Belgians in the late-1930s. That is, not exactly very safe or secure.

Mike Cowie (Oredakedo)
Tuesday, August 11th, 2009


Now check out this recent piece on healthcare reform in America: The Great Anti-Canadian-Healthcare Fraudster Joins The Great American Healthcare Debate

 

And check out these other recent political rants:

 

An Ex-President Like No Other: Jimmy Carter The Passionate Feminist

 

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A Narcissistic Sociopathic Cult-Running Ultra-Conservative Child-Diddling Crusader For Christ

 

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Freedom Denied! Are We Happy Now: The Crushing of Sri Lanka's Tamils

 

Nothing To Fear But Truth Itself: Criminalizing Criticism of Israel

 

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Another 10-plus comments

You can read another 10-plus comments posted in response to this piece on The Georgia Straight's site here.

Another great rant!

Hi Mike, You have an uncanny ability to nail the absurdity of all things bigoted. Hopefully your writing will continue to reach the mainstream more and more. Your voice cuts through the crap, is fearless and funny. A good combination. EDKee

As someone who knew Ted Haggard as a child...

Thanks for your excellent article.

 

As someone who knew Ted Haggard as a child, I was reminded of the family environment in which he lived. For just one example, his father, Marcus "Doc" Haggard was the local chapter leader for the Christian Anti-Communism Crusade, which basically packaged everything it didn't like as being part of a communist plot (not unusual society-wide in the 50's and 60's). Early on, the CACC viewed homosexuality as a tool for the communists: communists encourage homosexuality because homosexuals have weak minds therefore are easy to brainwash. (It's no surprise, now that communism isn't perceived as such a large threat, that the CACC is now lead by David Noebel, outspoken homophobe, and much of their effort is overtly directed against homosexuals). Not that the anti-communism influence was the only factor, just one. In short, I think that Ted, like many other gay or bi kids coming of age in the 60's and 70's, was strongly influenced by a repressive environment, learned to stifle his attraction to men, and finally he just couldn't do that any more.

 

IndianaDave

Right Wing lunatics.

Every day I am absolutely speechless by the absolute stupidity of what is happening south of the border! Sarah Palin and the Red Neck posse are on their horses again! Have any of these people been inside a school? Where are their heads? I am becoming so hopeless that the US , as a whole will ever progress from the darkness. The antics at the Town Hall meetings are without sense, the Health care hysteria without reason. Does any one listen when President Obama explains over and over what he is proposing? Put the children in charge, they are the adults in the room. Same sex Marriage will never be understood by these fools.To these idiots, Any thing outside of Guns, trucks with monster tires, Men "running the family", and traditional marriage( no matter that it's often dysfunctional) is not going to change , Dammit! Lord give me patience ! I'm so glad I'm a Canadian (most of the time).

Christian Nut-jobs

I couldn't agree more. If the whole reason for marriage is for the purpose of creating children, I wonder if "intimate relations" ought to be denied to those who are already married if the woman is post-menopausal? If the man's sperm are no longer as frisky as they once were? Perhaps intercourse should be prohibited except when a woman is in the fertile part of her cycle. This is rather easy to determine (although not full-proof, see children conceived from couples employing the rhythm method). There are many ways we can meddle in people's lives!